Connection to Gaia

I connected to and began channeling Gaia on February 17, 2023. 

I've always had a connection to Mother Earth.  As a child, I would lay for hours directly on Mother Earth in a field of weeds next to my home staring at the sky, I played in the dirt, and climbed trees.  I come from a long line of gardeners and have gardened for decades.  I've always been more attuned to living in the country vs city and have a special connection to the ocean.

The increased spiritual connection developed during an Animal Reiki course I took in early December 2022.  The course I took was given by a highly-acclaimed Mother/Daughter team who channeled the course from the Animal Kingdom.  They didn't just sit down and make it up.  They were called to develop it from the beyond.  As part of the this course I received an attunement to a Tree of Life symbol channeled from Animal Kingdom.  This course involved a series of journeys and placements to the beyond.  What I experienced there is mind-blowing and life-changing.  During one of the journeys I experienced that I was soil and there were roots growing through me.  At another point I was a plant breaking through the ground reaching up to the sunlight.  I also experienced an energy source floating towards me and then my heart cracked open and a fire hose of energy began pouring into me.  I experienced lots of flashes of light.  It was almost overwhelming.  Then there was calm and peace.  These were all amazing, beautiful experiences.  I believe this was the beginning of the deepening of my connection to Mother Earth.

Fast-forward to February 2023.  I was attending a regional Burning Man burn called Love Burn and while dancing on the Earth one day to some lovely beats I could feel this warmth rise up through my body and I knew it was Mother Earth.  As I was dancing and ebbing and flowing I felt her happiness with every fiber of my being.  The message was…all of this (Love Burn) is making her happy.  The beats, the expression, the creativity, the respect, the communion, the ebb and flow, the love fully resonates with her.  I could feel her joy beaming up through me.  It was pure love.  Later that night dancing at the same place I felt the same energy, but it became more clear to me it was Gaia I was channeling.  I see Gaia as the soul of Mother Earth. 

Following that interaction I continued to commune with Gaia.  Additional messages I received are below:

• 2/22/23 - the single most important thing that each of us humans can do to save Mother Earth is to raise our individual vibrational frequency by healing our trauma and breaking free from societal programming.  Even more so than recycling, reducing carbon footprint, environmental regulations, etc.  Raising our vibration will have more of an impact than those items.

• On 2/23/23 the following message popped in my head "I haven't met the love of my life yet" - this one has been profound and instrumental in changes I've made in 2023.

• On 2/28/23, while I was by the water watching a beautiful sunset the message came through "I know some difficulty might lie ahead, but I've (Gaia) got you.  I will hold you through this and what is meant for you will be."  Then after staring at the sun a bit I closed my eyes and saw the words "I love you" coming from the sun in my mind's eye.  It was so amazing!

• 3/1/23 - I asked to see Gaia and the art as part of this blog is my representation of Gaia.  She is alien-like with big green eyes and pointy ears.

• 4/10/23 - "Go out into Nature and use Mother Earth as medicine.  She is the ultimate medicine.  Ground with her, cry with her, scream with her, dance with here, laugh with her, love with her.  Listen to her and breathe her in.  Disconnect from technology and connect with her."

• On 4/26/23 - Just like the inhabitants of Earth are getting shaken up, feeling chaos, getting split open from the inside, getting triggered, so is Mother Earth energetically (I visually saw this with my mind's eye).  This is needed to move towards balance.  The natural disasters, fires, viruses, etc are all Mother Earth shedding trauma.  It’s natural when a new vibrational level is reached, trauma is brought to the surface to be released.

• On 4/27/23 - During meditation I dropped to the center of the Earth and saw this amazing surreal landscape of lush greenery, crystal clear waters, and clear blue sky.  The Animal Kingdom was there. I then saw a fetus in the center of the Earth and realized this is the new Earth being born.  I felt Christ consciousness, which feels like immense love pouring into every facet of your being.

• 6/12/23 - "As I sit her with the power of God within me, I can heal all things"  I felt connected to every living thing.  I spent time on the beach that day and felt the water speak to me, connected with a horseshoe crab.  The seagull sounds were activations.  I felt the Earth vibrating at a higher frequency.

I then began experiencing connection and communication with plants and animals.  I became very connected to a cornfield behind my house.  During difficult times with a breakup I could feel the corn holding my hands.  Seriously, that corn held me through the breakup. 

Gaia and Mother Earth was my connection to God.  My next blog with describe how I became connected to God.

Diving Into Your Shadow

In early fall Spirit communicated to me that I was to stay in Delaware for most of the winter when I usually leave right after Christmas for somewhere warm.  When Spirit talks I listen.  There were a few frigid days where I was cursing and questioning all of this!  But let me tell you there is deep knowledge in the dark and cold of winter.  I've been on this healing and spiritual journey for over 2 decades with it exponentially increasing the past 2 years.  I thought I had done all the healing I needed, but alas, there is always more to be done.  It happens in layers. 

The winter and holidays definitely triggered me.  I got very sick with Covid and illness went through my family disrupting the normal rhythm of our holiday festivities.  I was alone for most of the holidays.  But I needed to be alone.  I actually love being alone.  If you're not comfortable being alone, perhaps it is because you're not comfortable with yourself. This is something to consider.

I wasn't sad or down over the holidays.  I felt like I was in a void or in a holding pattern.  The triggering allowed me to go deeper in to my healing.  It allowed me to pull back more layers of my shadow and connect to her and merge with her.  You may think I'm saying this figuratively, but Spirit guided me to where I literally merged with her in a ceremonial manner.   I healed myself from past life trauma.  Trauma I was carrying around impacting me that I wasn’t even aware of it. I experienced a huge release and shift in frequency. My body is buzzing and I truly KNOW I am continuing to uncover gifts to help others navigate this Earth. I am so grateful and blessed.

I've always been a big proponent of diving into your dark side.  With recently being more connected to the spiritual community I notice where much of healing and ascension has a theme of  "love and light".  The main focus is to move towards the light or surround yourself with light.  You're feeling a negative emotion transmute it with light and it will go away.  The problem with this is it can potentially be nothing more than continuing to suppress your negative emotions by excess positivity.  You may feel relief in the short term or have the satisfaction that you're healing, but in reality nothing gets solved.  The feelings will surface again and the same negative patterns will repeat themselves until you face them. Face the darkness.  Face the shadow.  She must be integrated to make you whole.  It's a balance.  Being too far on either side hinders your healing process.

What is your shadow?  Your shadow self is the part of your personality such as toxic traits that are hidden in your subconscious and suppressed by your ego self.  You hide her from yourself and others because you feel ashamed or judgmental about her and your ego doesn't want to accept her.  Shadow work is exposing this part of yourself and staring her straight in the face and potentially getting to the root of why she exists.  You can then acknowledge, accept, and love this part of yourself and integrate her into your being.  It allows you to become whole and will lead you to healing and peace and a more authentic life.  This is hard work and why most will avoid it.  You have to face that ugly, toxic part of yourself.

Here are signs that may indicate you haven't faced your shadow.

• Overreacting or getting triggered by others or situations

• Feeling jealousy, embarrassment, guilt, rejection, judgmental, or shame

• Focusing too much on positivity

• Inability to apologize

• Inability to authentically share how you're feeling

• Repeating negative patterns

• Having pet peeves towards others

Integrating your shadow is a journey.  No therapist, no spiritual guru, no life coach can do this for you.  They can potentially assist, but you must be brave enough to face her yourself.  The more you integrate your shadow you will create a deeper self-awareness, be more self-accepting, break negative cycles, tap into your creativity, improve relationships, and heal past life and generational trauma. 

I know this phrase is overused, but you cannot have light without darkness.  You must have both to be balanced and healthy.  It’s the Yin and the Yang.  It's the feminine and masculine.  It's the moon and the sun.  Our planet is lacking the beautiful, dark, delicious, destructive and creative power of the Feminine.  We must all embrace it and tap into it. 

My first exposure to my shadow was in 2000 when I had a serious bout of depression.  As I came out of that depression I wrote the following poem.

The Dark Follower

By the light of the day, your soul is uncovered.

You want to hide, but there is no shelter.

All around you is a feeling of hopelessness.

It’s like swimming in a sea of desperation,

constantly trying to find peace.

Unbalanced, twisting, relentless isolation,

overpowering your sense of being.

Beaten down by an unidentified dark shadow.

No way out of this above ground cave.

Eventually the light will come,

Not always in a pleasant way.

The pain will become dormant, never

completely ceasing.

It remains as a reminder—A reminder

of the dark follower.

While I faced many demons during this time period which led to the beginning of me living authentically, I still had work to do.  Most of which has been done in the past 5 years.  I recently wrote the poem below.

These days I reflect more and react less

I sit beside myself observing and diving into the black hole of pain instead of engaging triggers

Pain from trauma that has been experienced, passed down or programmed into me for lifetimes 

Journeying to the depths of my shadow to understand who I am

Who am I?

I am stardust, I am crystal, I am galaxies, I am wonder, I am nature, I am light

I’m also darkness.  A shadowy figure made of rejection, abandonment, control, and judgment that lurks around waiting for my nervous system to flinch

I breathe, I gaze, I imaginatively wrap myself in Mother Earth, life force energy, and love. I bring forward the gifts handed down from my ancestors and gained along my soul’s journey

I acknowledge, I accept, I integrate 

Who am I?

I am a warrior, I am a healer, I am human, I am love, I am fucking magic

I am all of it.

When triggered by someone or something (triggered meaning a negative emotion is elicited) or in general feeling heavy emotions I will do the following:

1. Step away from the situation and center myself by taking deep breaths or doing a short meditation

2. I go into observation or witness mode almost as if I'm a third party to the situation

3. I take note of all the emotions I'm feeling

4. I detach from them for a bit and let them float around in front of me observing them one by one

5. I take each one and ask "when have I felt this before?",  "How often?", "Is it always the same situation?"

6. I conduct some analysis to a degree based on the answers above to determine if I can get to the root of the emotions.  Sometimes I do get an answer. The further down the healing path I go, the more I am able to get to the root of why I am triggered.  95% of the time my emotions have nothing to do with the actual situation that triggered me.  Even If I don't come to answers on why this is happening I still do the next step.

7. I literally treat the emotions as if they are beings and tell them I acknowledge they are a part of me, I accept them,  and I love them.  And I put my arms out around them and pull them into me.

Another step to becoming whole.

Trusting Spirit

I started this blog on November 23, 2022 and this is what I wrote:

I’ve learned to trust Spirit.  She has guided me to stay home this winter and embrace the cold.  At first I was like wtf??  Are you sure?  Can’t be.  I usually escape the winter.  Escape means to break free.  Interesting… as if the winter was to blame for my struggles.  Why did I feel the need to break free?  This is a recent need in the past 5 years.  I used to love winters.  The cold and dark has answers, my friends.  Deep and delicious answers and I can’t wait to uncover them. 

Well, it is now mid-January and shew!  I have gone pretty deep.  There was no escaping.  I will detail in my next couple of blogs titled "Diving into your Shadow" and "The Fourth Dimension"

True freedom is the ability to feel peace no matter what physical location you’re in.  Ask yourself if you physically need to be somewhere else to find peace or yourself, are you really going deep?  This Earth is just a minor pit stop on our soul’s journey. It really shouldn’t matter where you physically reside in this snap shop of eternity.  Ask yourself what you’re running from.

You may ask who is Spirit?  One definition is a supernatural being or essence.  I refer to her as my spirit guides, ancestors, higher self, angels, Gods/Goddesses, Source, faeries, dragons and any other magical being guiding my journey. 

How do I communicate with Spirit?  In the beginning communication mostly came from sitting in silence through meditation.  Many times I would feel an energy near me and I will ask who it is and what the message is.  This would come through as a vision or message.  More recently I am getting a clear knowing of a message.  Words will pop into my conscious space that are so clear.  There are even times I will have a conversation with myself.  There are times where I may feel anxiety about a situation or decision.  I will allow myself to sit with those emotions and observe and evaluate them.  And most of the time out of the blue I will get a resounding "Fuck Yes" or "Fuck No"!  I will even say it out loud and there is my answer.  This happens more quickly these days.  I will give a situation or question to Spirit and trust I will be guided to my path.  And guess what?  I never revisit that situation or question again.  I used to.  I used to revisit and reanalyze my decisions.  The amount of energy I wasted on this!

We all have Spirit and they are here to guide us on our journey.  You can ask them for help at any time.  You may hear people say they will put a situation/issue/decision out into the Universe.  It's the same thing.  I used to say this, but now I have a strong bond and relationship with Spirit.  I see them and communicate with them regularly. 

Other situations where Spirit has guided me:

• Make art - I was guided in 2020 to make art and am still guided to continue making art even when I question it

• Become a Reiki and sound healing practitioner

• Starting a business/Stopping a business

• Ending relationships

• Places to travel

• Places to live (exact home)

• Walk away from a passion

• Stay at my corporate job

• Grow my hair long

• Social media sabbaticals

• Clear answers on paths

• Being guided to help others during their “caterpillar” stage

• Other messages that pertain to worldly or even other-worldly things - for example, I once received the message "wind is whispers from the Universe" and now I love wind.  I just listen and I gain more clarity and feel my vibration rising when the wind howls!

When you're struggling with a situation take some time and sit in silence, connect to Nature, and ask for help.  Ask for answers.  Remember the answer may not come right away.  It may come across as a message you see on tv or in a song or in a phrase you read.  You will experience synchronicities where you are able to connect happenings that seem random, but really aren't.  Pay attention to those.  Pay attention to those goosebumps you get.  That is an energy shift.  Or it could be some other physical symptom to your body like ear itching or crown tingling.  Pay attention to those moments when the chatter in your brain completely stops for no reason and you are made to ponder.   Pay attention to those moments when you begin to daydream.  There is a message or answer somewhere in all of this. 

When you trust Spirit your life is divinely guided and much of the worry, anxiety, and fear you may experience will fall away.

Social Media Sabbatical

I decided to take a social media break. 

I’ve increasingly been feeling a disconnection from Spirit.  In fact it is Spirit who is guiding me to step away.  I heard myself on the podcast giving advice to others to disconnect from social media if it makes you feel anxious.  And I made the comment “It’s glorious!”  Because it is.  And Spirit pinged me as if her eyebrows were raised and arms were crossed. I’ve never had a comfortable relationship with social media.  Yes, it’s a form of connection, but the most important form of connection is to yourself.  I believe electronics has disconnected us from ourselves and Nature where ALL the answers lie.  There is zero disinformation within ourselves and Nature.  There is lots of great content on Social Media and I’ve pared those I follow down to those I find inspiration from, but I was increasingly only finding confirmation of my spiritual experiences and not really any ah ha moments. I believe social media can sway one's own spiritual journey.  It can cloud it or influence it when really each person's spiritual journey is their own.  Social media is a distraction.  I’ve done several breaks with the longest being 7 months.  Each time I go deeper into my spirituality.  I'm excited to see where this takes me.  I'm already in awe of all the divine creativity flowing to me!!

I recently starting reading my journal back from 2 years ago when I started my deep journey.  Wow, it was all so spectacular and magical!  I wasn’t sharing anything about my journey at that time.  I love sharing my journey, but it doesn’t feel right to ME to share in the manner social media asks you to. It doesn't resonate with me.  I also found myself spending too much time on social media.   How many people ignore the analytics that pop up on their phone sharing how much time they spend on social media?  Where else could that time be spent?

Maybe try not going on social media for one day and see how many times you pick up your phone and go to tap the icon.  It’s not easy.  It’s a pattern. It’s a habit.  Is it healthy?   Ask yourself do you really need it?  What is it bringing you?  Is it truly bringing you closer to yourself?  If it makes you feel good, why?  Is it feeding ego? Is it mind-numbing activity?  Why would you want to do anything that is mind-numbing??  Alcohol and drugs are mind-numbing, right?   All great questions to ask.  When you walk away and release something it allows for something more enriching to flow in.

It's only been three days and I've already read more, meditated more, and created more than before.  I'm even writing much more! I am also going to bed earlier and getting much more restful sleep and having vivid dreams I can remember!  I am also way more present in all conversations and activities.  I'm consciously more present than I was before.  I've also noticed I'm lighter.  I feel lighter. 

See a poem below that came to me while writing this.

Don’t go too big, you’re programmed to believe  Fit within the paradigms and even algorithms   Your message has to be tidy and succinct   Play by the rules…  Control Confinement Suppression Oppression Shadow banning More patriarchal rules And we choose to abide                                                                                                                      

January 21, 2023 Update: It’s been over 2 months since disconnecting from social media and all I have to say is Wow Wow WOW! Social media is an addiction, folks. It is no different than alcohol, drugs, and even fitness. It is an escape from having to deal with reality. It’s an escape from having to dive into the depths of your shadow to figure out your shit. It’s an avoidance of the hard work needed to find your soul’s true purpose on this Earth.

These past 2 months have drug me to the depths of my inner being. I have retrieved parts of my soul that were floating out there due to trauma from past lives. Yes, I gained memories of these and had to do deep healing to release them. It was difficult. It was crushing at moments, but alas! Here I am on the other side feeling so much love and peace that I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s called the 5th Dimension. No, I didn’t travel to some far away beautiful country. I stayed home isolated swimming in the sea of my soul navigating myself home. I literally did NOTHING, but sit with myself and my feelings. We are all so busy DOING (and achieving) that we forget to just BE. I experienced a huge shift. I have the most clarity now than I’ve ever had in my entire life. There is no way I could’ve done this if I was connected to social media. No way.

I am so very thankful I haven’t gained a following on social media. I now see it was purposeful. To be honest, it never resonated with me. I never felt comfortable trying to do what was necessary to gain a following. I constantly see those with a massive following trying to feed the lions and having to put out content to fit an image they’ve created. They are continuously trying to stay relevant. It has to be exhausting! There is limited authenticity in social media. Social media influences you to act, be, play a certain way. I can feel the energy from those who are trapped by it and literally cannot take it any more and their soul is screaming for it to stop, but are so attached to those numbers and post likes that IT IS LIKE A DRUG. They can’t even step away. Addiction. SociaI media is rooted in the third dimension. I choose not to play. The reality is social media will be gone in the future. We will communicate via energy, consciousness, and telepathy. That is already happening. I choose to play in the future :)

January 27, 2023 Update: I experience a huge release and shift last week as I stated above and guess what happened? I had three new Reiki clients reach out to me within 2 days. I hadn’t done Reiki on anyone since early November. I was in no position to. I had much internal work to do to get to the next level to be able to help my clients. I didn’t close down my shop or put out a notice. The energy spoke the word and then within days of me experiencing a huge shift, boom! I have three new clients. My shifted energy moved into alignment with those needing my services. All the stories were the same…They are feeling blocked and disconnected and Googled and found me. My story resonated with them. I feel so blessed and grateful right now to know I am uncovering my gifts to truly help people. I didn’t put any advertisements out or blast on social media. I have done nothing different in the past 3 months. THIS is what I’m talking about above. Energy and consciousness. My new frequency went out into the consciousness stream and impacted those who resonated… This is the future, folks. Believe it!

The Matrix

I see many bragging about escaping the Matrix.  What does that even mean?  Does it mean to be totally off grid living off of the land?  How many of us are actually doing that?  Very few…

I believe it means breaking free from the shackles of past trauma and societal and religious programming, going inward and journeying back to yourself and connecting with Source, and using your experience to help others as a sense of purpose vs a sense of financial gain or status.  All of this can be done from exactly where you are.  There is no need to escape physically.

What it doesn't mean is quitting your job and moving to Bali.  While this may be part of it for your particular journey, it's not a requirement for all.  Let's face it.  Not all of us can escape to some far off spiritual land.   Some of us are single moms with no financial support (that was me).  Some of us have aging parents that need assistance  (that is me now).  We all have a place and we all have a mission that is unique to us.  So you're not failing if you can't travel off to Bali.  It makes me cringe when I see those who do have that ability, placing themselves higher on the spiritual totem pole.  That is ego and that is causing separation.  Two things that are to be kept in check when moving along on a spiritual journey.  Perhaps it's braver to stay in the arena and fight it out? 

I'm here to tell you that you absolutely DO NOT have to physically escape to a "spiritual" land to move along on your spiritual journey.  The field of consciousness knows no bounds of time, space, wealth or poverty, status, etc.  You can spiritually grow from the comfort of your living room, tent, or city street.  You can travel to places where money, status, importance mean nothing.  In fact, they would be a hinderance in these particular places.  I've traveled to so many places and timelines while in my modest home in Milton, Delaware.  And there are others doing the same.  I have no need to physically move or travel anywhere right now.  Although, I would argue the land my home is surrounded by is pretty damn magical and others would agree…

I was feeling pressure on my spiritual journey to leave my corporate job, but recently received a clear message from my higher self that I am to stay and make impact there. In fact, I will make more impact by staying vs. leaving.  All I have to do is to be 100% my authentic self in everything I do.  I had this conversation with my manager and he's 100% on board.  That is how change is made, folks.  The Matrix does not equal your job.  It is so much more.

Looking back in my life I made a clear decision in the year 2000 to be my authentic self.  I had these two beings watching me and what was the most important thing I could teach them?  It was to be comfortable in their own skin.   If I was living some life that wasn't me, what was that teaching them?  So I've strived to live an authentic life and show the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

The point I'm making is we all have a purpose.  Some are to escape to Bali to be with like-minded people to grow spiritually and some are to stay right where they are and resonate out into the Earth.  No one journey is better than the other.  We are all making impact.  Unity.

Maybe Corporate Witch or Chief Consciousness Officer will be come a thing…

gateway

I've been asked several times about the name of my art and healing business so decided to create a blog post to explain. 

Wildkat has been a nickname for nearly 2 decades and I had planned to use this for my business name, but it wasn't resonating with the healing part of the business.  It seemed too harsh.  So after some brainstorming with the folks from DAC we came up with Luna.  Luna wasn't sitting right with me. It felt over used.  So I meditated on it.  I kept seeing a figure that looked like the following piece of art I made last year. It represented openness to me and the term gateway arose. 

While I was ruminating on the name I was struggling with the logo…

I have been drawn to the crescent moon as far as I can remember.  I was born on a waning crescent moon.  The only tattoo on my body is a crescent moon.  The moon represents the feminine energy, the darkness, destruction, creation, stillness, intuition, and flow.  The energy of the moon has always had an impact on me.

I can't remember when my obsession with sunflowers began, but my connection to them gets stronger each year.  I buy them, I paint them, I grow them, and they are often in my visions. The sun represents the masculine energy, the light, action, discipline, assertion, and logic.

The star pattern in the middle is from my maternal grandmother's china pattern that I now use daily.  It's gorgeous and I refuse to let it sit in a cabinet.  There is ancestral energy and knowledge in that china.  As I heal, I heal seven generations before me and seven generations after me. 

I wanted all of these elements in my logo as they were important to me.   The initial logo was looking like this with the moon and sunflower side by side representing the balance of masculine and feminine.  I still wasn't settled with it.  I thought it looked more balanced with the moon on the bottom open to the top, but that triggered me.  I had to understand why I was triggered by this. 

I can't quite articulate how this all came to me, but this is what I surmised.  I've been programmed on this Earth to believe that masculine qualities define success leading to the suppression of my feminine energy and qualities.  Because of this I was unwilling to not let the feminine representation be equal to the sunflower, which was representing the masculine energy.  BUT as I was journeying to the name "gateway" I felt a huge shift.  The Divine Feminine energy is what is going to transform this Earth into a new Earth.  The wounded Masculine has been in control for far too long and the Divine Feminine is rising.  The Divine Feminine will be the gateway to healing this Earth.  The receptivity, the nurturing, the stillness, the intuition, the surrendering will move us forward and with it will bring the rise of the Divine Masculine to a perfect balance.  And with that moment it became clear to me the moon is the receptacle for healing.   She is the gateway for change.  And so was birthed my logo.

The crescent moon facing up represents the Sacral Chakra or the Maiden archetype.  This clearly was a an archetype I had an unhealthy relationship with my entire life and through my art I have healed and continue to heal her and bring her more into balance.  This took stillness, surrendering, opening, and returning to flow vs. force.